A Collective Commonality & Empathetic Reminder
Grief is a universal language and emotional experience felt and experienced worldwide. Every person will encounter grief at least once (some more than others) in their lifetime. Though grief, in most cases, is highlighted or acknowledged as the physical loss or death of a loved one, grief also relates to one dealing with the challenges and hardships of life.
Such challenges and difficulties can revolve around the loss of a life-changing opportunity, the loss of a relationship, whether a significant other, friend, or business partner, being fired from a job, abuse, unexpected sickness or accident that changes the course of one’s life, making an unwise decision that leads to a negative outcome for several years and the list can go on. Death, life challenges, unfair circumstances, injustice, and unexpected circumstances are all human experiences and lead to one of the world's most spoken languages and human emotions – GRIEF!
The Loss of A Loved One
Everyone grieves differently when losing a loved one. Famous and noted psychologist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross coined the five stages of grief known as DABDA.
D – denial
A – anger
B – bargaining
D – depression
A – acceptance
Though DABDA's primary focus is on those who are dealing with the physical loss of a person, it can also be analyzed through the lenses of those grieving the challenges or unexpected circumstances of life. Within this context, DABDA’s focus is centered on those grieving the loss of a loved one. The five stages of grief coined by Kubler-Ross established an essential foundation for understanding how most people handle grief. These emotions and expressions are normal and are necessary to help people identify and rectify their needs and concerns in their grief journey. DENIAL serves as the basis for not being able to accept or succumb to the fact that a loss has occurred. It’s the denial that the circumstance has occurred and the disbelief that one’s life could change this way. ANGER is one of the most common emotions of grief. Depending on one’s situation, it can be anger towards others who are or are potentially at fault, anger for the mistreatment of those involved, anger at oneself, anger from disappointment, and, again, the list can go on. There is then the BARGAINING aspect of the grief stage. During this stage, most individuals bargain with God, themselves, or with some other power they believe in exchange for becoming better or doing good to bring a loved one back. There is also the DEPRESSION stage, which is another common emotion and mental hardship people experience. People fall into depression for many reasons during a journey of grief. Depression can “sometimes” be from a lack of community, raised concerns for resources and financial support for those who are dependents, and the overall sense of how to navigate through life or move forward after losing a loved one. There is then ACCEPTANCE – not always, but for some, the final stage where people accept what has happened or what is about to occur during grief. These emotions, expressions, and experiences are felt before one’s death and followed afterward.
Though Kubler-Ross's five stages of grief do not have the final say on one’s grief journey or experience, DABDA reveals the standard expressions, emotions, and psychological processes many experience. These five stages of grief are in no specific order. Some people may only experience two or three, while others feel all five stages and more at once. One important thing to note about grief is that there is no specific time limit. Those who have physically lost a loved one have shared their grief journey experiences, acknowledge they find themselves smiling one moment and crying the next, laughing one moment and being upset the next, or reminiscing special moments spent together and then recognizing they now have to navigate these moments without their loved one. Grief is not exclusive or for only a specific group; it will permeate everyone’s life at least once. Most times, grieving the loss of a loved one is unfair and unexplainable. And at other times, it is expected and with relief. However, all must learn to grieve and to grieve well, which means acknowledging and processing your emotions, seeking support when needed, and finding healthy ways to cope as time comes.
Life Challenges & The Commonality of Grief
As mentioned in the early section of this article, grief is not limited to the physical loss or death of a loved one. Grief also entails life challenges, unexpected hardships, and unfair circumstances that cause many people to be unable to progress in life and become stagnant. These challenges could include financial struggles, health issues, relationship problems, career setbacks, etc.
Life challenges all people in many different ways, some more than others. No one person goes through life without experiencing difficulties. This is why grief is a shared commonality within the human race, a universal language, and a worldwide emotional expression. It's a reminder that, regardless of our individual circumstances, we all know what it means to mourn; we all understand what it means to grieve in some capacity.
People often deny themselves the space or genuine support from others to grieve. They sometimes believe people cannot understand or empathize with their current circumstances because others have not experienced the same thing (not always true). People might not experience grief in the same way. However, this does not mean one cannot understand or even empathize with a person who is grieving the loss of a loved one or the challenges of life.
Loss and life challenges are commonalities of grief and, again, are experienced around the world. The worldwide phenomenon of grief as both an emotional expression and experience underscores the importance of community. It's a reminder that we should not walk this journey alone and that somewhere, there are people and resources available to support us through our grief (for those who are currently without).
Grief & The Importance of Community
One of the most essential things about grief is not grieving alone. Though many people sometimes prefer to be alone (not always a bad thing), one should never position oneself to be “consistently” alone or isolated during grief. Unfortunately, the world continues to move at a consistent or fast pace when dealing with grief. Where many are learning to cope with grief, especially in the early stages, whether through the loss of a loved one or the challenges of life, it seems like time slows down while trying to learn how to make sense of things and move forward in life. There is a sincere need, vitality, and even visibility of community when coping with grief. As most people push themselves into isolation due to anger, distrust, confusion, fear, hate, disappointment, and many other reasons, isolation or being alone for “too” long is unsuitable for one’s overall health. Humanity has been made for community or some form of collectivism and a sense of belonging. It’s not good for one’s mental, emotional, and physical health to grieve alone. During the grief journey, we must allow ourselves to be helped by others when people offer their genuine assistance or support. We should also be on the extending end, lending a hand of support or a kind word of encouragement when we are “AWARE” of someone else’s circumstance. Either by words of encouragement, acts of service, or simply being present – allow people to help you and when you can help others.
There is strength in numbers, and genuine community is one of the world’s greatest assets and avenues to help others remain grounded during life’s most challenging and unexpected hardships. Again, there is nothing wrong with wanting to take time for oneself; however, being in isolation for too long is neither good nor healthy. (weblink)
Friendly reminder – stay in the community whether it’s two or twenty-two people.
Grief Is A Journey (No Set Time Limit) – GRIEVE WELL
To reiterate, there is no time limit on when, where, why, and how to grieve. There is no specific way to grieve, as we all mourn differently. However, one must learn to grieve well. Grieving well ensures a person can adequately acknowledge and feel every emotion and thought. One should also recognize that grief is not an overnight feeling or process. Freely grieve – the past moments, memories, and experiences – GRIEVE ALL AND WELL. Also, at every chance or opportunity provided, acknowledge every past moment, memory, and experience that made you smile and laugh and provided inspiration and a sense of happiness during this grieving journey.
As previously mentioned, grief is not an overnight process, and no one person grieves alike. Though it’s important not to deny or delay our emotions during a journey of grief, we must also not allow these emotions to consume us to the point they become debilitating. However, still processing our thoughts and feelings to identify how we feel and believe is a part of learning how to grieve well – and again, it takes time. It takes time through solitude, through a genuine and loving community, through physical and mental rest, through crying, laughing, anger, and gratitude – it takes time.
Grief – A Commonality and Empathetic Reminder
This article was not intended to provide surreal or profound psychological information; it’s just a simple reminder that humanity grieves—alike and differently. It’s a reminder of the commonality of grief and the need for an empathetic approach to the subject: the need to identify our emotions, the importance of community, and the gesture to grieve and grieve well.
Psalm 147:3 - He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Romans 12:15 - Rejoice with those that do rejoice and mourn with those that mourn.
NATIONAL GRIEF AWARENESS DAY - August 30th
Potential Resources
Read and utilize resources as you see fit.
Dr. Alan Wolfelt, founder and director of the Center for Loss and Life Transition, offers vast online material and resources for people of all ages dealing with grief. (weblink)
Center for Grief Recovery and Therapeutic Service (weblink)
Mischa A. McMorris, founder of Planted Press Publishing and Author of "He Will Turn Your Sadness Into Joy: 365 Devotional for Grief & Loss". (weblink)
Also, contact your local libraries, community centers, and hospitals for resources on grief and loss.
Comments